Feel the fear and do it anyway
Recently, I spoke at one of my favourite events, the OEC business retreat. Our topic of the day was feel the fear and do it anyway. And there was definitely fear for some of the speakers who took to the stage. Everyone was absolutely amazing.
There’s another retreat in October, so if you want to hear some great speakers, get yourself booked to go!
My talk was about being authentic and showing up as who you are in your marketing. For some of us, it’s easier; for others, it really is fear-inducing.
As with most of my talks, I started by asking some questions.
Shall we dive in?
Which would you absolutely never share?
Hands up, which of these sorts of things would you never share in your marketing?
A story about your mental health?
A story about another illness?
Or perhaps something even more personal such as relationship status or sexuality?
Some of these may be easier to share; perhaps the one about illness is easier for you or you’re more comfortable talking about your sexuality. There is no right answer; we’re all individuals.
If you’re part of the queer community, then there is a good chance that you may well be more guarded about this information.
If you’ve ever heard Alex from Beyond the Binary speak, you’ll know about dynamic risk assessing. This is where you’re constantly checking in to see if you’re safe to be you.
This may take a greater toll on some parts of the community's mental health. So, for example, a classic stereotype is a gay couple walking into an unfamiliar bar.
This blog isn’t about that, though it’s an incredibly important conversation; it’s about how we can move forward with marketing our business but still being authentically us.
First, I want to look at what fear is…
Right this second, shitloads of chemicals are whizzing around our bodies, telling them to do everything we need to do to stay alive.
Often these are things that we have no control over, such as breathing and our body's other functions. But when we feel an emotion such as fear, those chemicals literally impact every cell of our body to a greater extent.
Adrenaline and cortisol fly around, and the fight, flight, freeze or fawn process kicks in.
You all know the feeling, sweaty palms, racing heart and possibly dilated pupils.
Why do our bodies do this?
Basically, it's all about keeping us safe. Our biological processes evolved at a time when, if we were not part of the gang, we died.
Literally.
From starvation, loneliness or a fatal mammoth-related injury (or something equally shite!)
The problem is our brains haven’t worked out that we’re not going to die yet, and we’re definitely not if we post something on social media or write a controversial blog!
This doesn’t mean that we don’t get that response or that our feelings aren’t genuine; far from it.
I can assure you when I share things, I get that fear, too sometimes. It’s all part of us staying safe and being part of the tribe.
After all, that’s what we’re designed to do.
What stops you from speaking your truth? Really?
Is it a voice in your head from someone you shouldn’t really listen to?
We all have one. Usually, someone was around when we were younger, so perhaps a parent, caregiver or teacher.
Their voice can be incredibly strong, even if they are no longer with us. So it can be helpful to give them a character. Mine is Fred. He’s a massive male Orangutan who is partial to a bit of a ginger rage every now and then.
The reason why he’s like that? Well, that’s because it’s much easier to tell him to bugger off than the people who it represents.
If you’re not fancying an orangutan, you can make them a person. Make them smaller or larger than life; it’s what works for you, not me!
What about imposter syndrome, anyone? That’s a similar feeling too, and you can use the same techniques to lessen that voice too!
Is it because you’re doing what you don’t really want to do - there’s a should in there, right?
Let’s be blunt here, who has told you that you need to do something that makes you scared or anxious?
One of the problems with marketing, and I have done this myself, is that we see the business rather than the person. So it can be really easy to think that coaches should be on Instagram, accountants on LinkedIn etc.
So ask yourself, why are you doing this thing? Is it bringing you joy? Does it get you clients?
Caroline and Twitter is the best example. She hates it. When we had a power hour together, she really didn’t want to use it - so we had a conversation about her using it - which boiled down to if you hate it - don’t bloody do it! It was all down to her having permission NOT to be on Twitter!
So if you don’t like something - you have my permission not to use it!
My biggest piece of advice to anyone is to do what you love; if you love writing, blog. If you love talking - what about speaking at events or doing video content?
If you hate it all - get someone else to do it if you really need to get clients.
But also remember, many people have built successful businesses on word of mouth alone!
Are you doing too much? Taking too big a step? Can you chunk it down?
So the thing that is giving you fear is that the final place you want to be?
For example, if you want to do lives in a FB group that makes you feel sick, what can you do to move towards that?
Could you practice on Zoom? Get used to seeing your face on the screen, for example. Honestly, this works. Just talk about anything, record it and watch it back.
You’ll hate your voice and how you look the first few times - because that’s only natural. But after a while, you become more neutral about how you look.
Next, could you pre-record content on Zoom? This is where you start to refine things. Can you start to talk about topics you want to cover? Get used to telling your story or sharing your experience. Eventually, this becomes easier too - and you can always use this content in your socials or in groups!
Finally, you’re ready to do a live! Can you go live in a safe space like The OEC?
I promise you; eventually, your brain will get bored of being in a heightened state - and you’ll be much more at peace with doing a live!
Final thoughts
You don’t have to tell the world about your sexuality, sex life, what you had for tea last week or anything if you don’t feel comfortable.
You are in control of what you share!
Being ‘authentically you’ won’t make you terrified! Pretending to be someone you’re not - will - and you know it. Being a square peg in a round hole takes so much more energy.
Marketing service is harder because it is about you and how someone feels about working with you. Not everyone will love you; if they walk away, that’s probably good!
The chances of people seeing your posts are small anyway! There are stats around how much of your audience will see your stuff are scary - probably less than 10% will see your content when it’s posted!
A lot of people who are consuming content feel the same as you. They will think you’re amazingly brave for doing the thing they struggle with, and they will support you.
The last point is if you need help, ask. There are so many people out there who can support you with creating content, posting content or generally organising your ass.
But if you need to get to the bottom of your gremlins about not being good enough, that’s where I come in.
My feisty 90 session is 90 minutes of us working out what is causing your fear and how we can make you feel more comfortable in shining your weird light!
If you’re interested in a session, then please get in touch here…
