Talking about therapy
I’ve not had therapy for a long time, I think probably around 16 years. But all that has changed recently, and I’ve taken the leap to go back to therapy. In this blog, I wanted to look at some of the things that I’ve learned over the years, both good and bad!
Why therapy?
People go into therapy for all manner of reasons. But most of us will feel the need to talk through some issues with someone who is neutral. This is a massive thing, particularly if we, the patient so to speak, are passing judgement about how we feel about ourselves and are subject to an inner critic. It is often much easier to talk to someone who has no idea about our lives, our pasts or our vices etc.
This is also especially true if you have something which you’ve never shared with people before. For example, people who have been victims of sexual assault, or abuse may never have spoken about their experiences. Therapy gives them a space where they can talk, or in some cases, not talk. Therapy can be as much about silence as it can be the conversation.
Therapy can take many different forms, the one that I am having a the moment is person-centred therapy. This is a humanistic approach to therapy, and similar to coaching, the client is encouraged to be in charge of their own sessions.
If you’re interested in different types of therapy, then the BACP website is a good place to start to do some research.
How to pick a therapist?
This is a difficult question to answer, as it’s a really personal thing! In my case, it’s all about the voice of the therapist. This may sound strange, but I spent 18 years of my working life on a phone, so I really pick up on the nuances in a voice. So that, for me, is a good indicator of how I will get on with a person. Interestingly enough I am the same with guided meditation! I have to like the voice to be able to relax.
But before you get to that stage it’s really worth doing your research if you’re going private. It could be that you look at the BACP website, or you may look at social media or get recommendations from friends or colleagues. Most private therapists, like coaches, will do some sort of chemistry call so that you can spend 15 mins with them to see how you fit.
It’s worth remembering that not every therapist is going to be right for you.
Of course, if you’re lucky enough to get therapy on the NHS, then you may not have the chance to be so choosy about who you work with! But these days, getting therapy in the NHS usually involves a long wait.
What do you say?
This is really up to you. In my first session, I told my therapist that I had no idea what I wanted to talk about. One hour I’d covered a whole heap of ground!
In most cases, the therapist will let you drive the conversation, after all the session is about you, not them. They will ask you questions to deepen their understanding of your situation and will often replay back what you’ve said.
There is no need to worry about what comes out. My first session felt very rambling. I talked a lot about things that I thought were key events, and how I felt they’d impacted me. But my therapist explained that she thought there was a good flow to the session and that things had made sense.
It can feel really scary to open up about things, particularly if they are topics that you wouldn’t normally cover. All I can say is stick with it, if your therapist is right for you, then you’ll definitely get more comfortable as time goes on.
How long will it last?
Individual sessions are normally an hour, but that can vary. As to how many sessions you have, that too can vary. There is no right or wrong answer to this. It totally depends on you and what you bring to the sessions. The more deep-seated an issue is, the longer you could expect to be in therapy to work through it.
One thing that is worth noting, is that sometimes people can get to rely on therapy sessions. I know that in the past I had a group of six sessions that were paid for by my employer. At the end of the sessions, I felt really lost. I can understand why I felt like that. I’d gone through quite a lot of deep-seated stuff in the sessions. It felt like a bit of a jolt to just end them! Sadly at the time, I was not able to extend the number of sessions.
How do you feel now?
Everyone is going to take to therapy sessions differently. At the moment I am trying to have them weekly, as it keeps the momentum up. But I also know that it takes me a while to process things. So for example, we had a little break around Christmas, and my head was still processing things from the first session!
It’s worth remembering that this processing can take some time. So don’t be surprised if you’re still ruminating sometime later! It’s also worth remembering too that therapy is not always a linear process. Sometimes you can feel like everything is sorted, only to go back to it later on. There is no shame in that, nor is there shame in going back to therapy after nearly 20 years.
The thing that I want to leave you with, is don’t leave too late. Do not leave it until you are in crisis to reach out for help. It is far better to go into therapy sooner when you’ve still got some cognitive capacity for it than to leave it too late.
